Fingerprints

It's nearly Mother's Day.

Mother's Day will probably not be all that relaxing for me. It will start by being down at the town oval by 7am with all of my children to help out at the Mother's Day Fun Run, while Woz heads down to the church as he is rostered on for playing guitar.

It will end by freezing chicken stock and packing away dishes and washing and lunches ready for the week ahead.

In between, we might get to munch on some dip while the kids ride laps around us on the patio? or take the dog down to the park?

Last year I got to a point where everything was too much. I couldn't keep up with my three and a half children and I hired a cleaner. Things got better though. By the end of the year i was going to the gym regularly and finding time and space for myself. My ultra supportive husband made sure of that! But the snowball had tipped off the edge of the hill, we had started to settle in to life here and make friends. Settling in to the church meant we should help out here and there.

I took on a few jobs at the church. They are not big jobs. Of course, they are bigger jobs than i thought. Oh well - everyone realises that I am running a home with six people living here, right? And that it's a full time job?

Obviously not.

And people have been suggesting I learn how to say no. I thought it would be easy but it's really hard. Because, as Mum keeps reminding me, I am naturally a caretaker. I am a "guardian provider". I notice other people's needs, and I strive to help.

At least once a week for the last six weeks, somebody has told me quite firmly to learn how to say no.

Then, about a week ago, my dear partner in life, suggests that maybe i've taken on too much, that I'm a bit frazzled, a bit regularly frazzled.

So i write a mental list of the things that I am doing at the moment. I'll write it here.

Organising the church creche. (Team leader and rosters)
Organising the MOPS creche workers
MOPS team - morning tea once a month
MOPS team - small group discussion leader fortnightly
Bible study leading fortnightly
Hosting Home Group weekly
Henna Happy - my creativity outlet which is snowballing into a business
Neways - a multi level marketing business where i can work at my own pace
ABA Counselling training
Birth Circle
Camera club


Aside from this: Wozza works 55 hours every week, is on the music roster every three weeks or so and has got an endless list of possible other ways to spend any time that i let him have. He is way better at saying no than I am.

Quite a bit, ey?
Where do I get the time to spend with my kids? Or do the food shop? Clean the house? Cook some meals? Invest in healthy snack making? Relax with my husband? Take the kids out? Catch up with my friends? Go to the gym? Walk the dog? Wash the bedding? Meander in the garden? Take the rubbish out? .....write a blog entry?

I have been pondering how I am going to go about the business of stopping the snowballing. And all week, i've been So frustrated with the kids making mess around the house. I have lost the time to be able to actively teach them how to pick up after themselves or structure their day whatsoever. It's just back foot mode. Pick up after them because it's quicker. Pour the coffee two thirds full so that a third doesn't spill out into the car. Oh that reminds me, Theo wet his pants in the car earlier, while we were picking up the boys from school. He was exiting the car, sitting on a seat that's folded down, and the little handle to lift the seat up filled with wee. I forgot about that til just now.

Last Sunday morning, after working in the creche, I ran a very brief meeting for all the creche workers to touch base. An email arrived prior asking all church volunteers to attend a "safe" workshop which is a five hour long study regarding the church's insurance and liabilities and is important for all people like me to attend, so that I don't accidentally find myself in trouble. Well, thinks I, that's okay, I attended it last year! So i don't need to! Then, i read further: the writer of the email says: Currently there is no creche available but i am working on that, in the hopes that more of you may be able to attend.

Now i didn't need anybody to tell me that that person was going to ask me to run the creche for the safe workshop so that more people can run creche.

Sure enough I was asked just after the meeting.

Hello?? I have got FOUR, YOUNG CHILDREN and i am doing A LOT ALREADY. NOBODY SEEMS TO GET THIS!!!! Will they just keep asking me to do stuff? (apart from my list of stuff, I have probably said No or Maybe to at least that much stuff too. weird hey? i thought so)

Well, I had had plenty of time to gather up a "No" by then, right? But in all seriousness, who is going to run a creche for something like that? It's five hours. On a Sunday afternoon.  But somebody has got to do it.

I didn't say yes, but I didn't say No. I am a little confused about how much I should trust God to look after me, and keep being willing to serve. And how much I should trust him to place on other people's hearts to serve.

Today was a particularly bad day in the way of learning curves about being busy. It starts off a couple of days ago with a text message. One of the creche workers for MOPS is sick. That's ok, I thought to myself. She was the sixth girl I had rostered on. Then yesterday I still had not heard confirmation back from the fifth girl, but my day had disappeared from underneath me, and I ran out of time to look at other options. Oh well - if they are busy, I will go in there and help out, I think to myself.  I did a shop run to get the morning tea i'd run out of time to make. Then this morning: tea on in the slow cooker, three lunches made, three boys ready with bags packed, fourth boy ready, settle kindy boy into kindy, settle two year old who is extremely upset about slipping on the mud and getting mud on his shoes, attend a 45 minute long school assembly and take photos, receive the dreaded text: I am sick, i can't help at creche today. get to MOPS: Mayhem. only three girls on, and 24 preschooler children. One mum had stayed to help. then the real problem was that i was needed out in the mums groups as a small group leader. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

as a guardian provider, wanting everyone to be happy, this was terribly stressful for me. it didn't help that at the end of the morning, somebody ate the last macaroon in front of theo, and that i couldn't understand what he was so upset about, and then he fell over on the bitumen, and everyone was incredibly upset.

which brings me to now. i just picked up my little kindy boy Nate and he has all these presents for me for Mother's day.

including the picture I've posted. oh my gosh, yes, i am SO frustrated Nathaniel at the dirty prints you leave everywhere. and oh my gosh YES, i am SO blown away at how it is May already and for all the stuff that is taking up my time, you have been pushed down the rungs. oh my gosh yes, i know that you will be grown up before i know it. I don't deserve these presents! Last year, i put a cleaner on so that i could be a better MUM, and now i am the same MUM with a hundred other things going on. i don't deserve a mother's day this year!

So today, I am seriously re-considering all that i am doing. i only know one thing for sure, one thing the Lord is telling me loud and clear. putting my children first.

(sorry about the long rant. i guess this is why i blog. wozza will be thankful that i've blogged all this and sort of organised my thoughts before he needs to hear it all!!!)