Tooth fairy trauma #2

Well, i chatted to Hughie about what he told {emma}. Turns out, nobody had told him anything about the tooth fairy, he had just reached the conclusion himself. He said to me, Mum, all those movies about fairies and stuff, they aren't real.
I said Hughie, when you lose a tooth, don't you want the tooth fairy to bring you some money? Tooth fairies aren't gonna trade for your tooth if you go spreading lies about them. (!)
He said Muuh-um, don't be stupid.

When he was four, he did ask us once, why my christmas present was wrapped in the same wrapping paper as the stuff Santa had brought.

He's too switched on that boy. I don't think any of our kids are gonna get any santa or tooth fairy magic, half because he bursts bubbles by being too clever... and half because i'm not too fussed about lying to my kids.

He does get enthused about the Easter bunny though, so it'll be interesting to see how that goes!

Tooth fairy trauma

This morning, a very grumpy Hughie trundled off to class. As i watched him walk to school, I was pulled aside.

"Um, i just wanted to talk to you about something. Yesterday, {Emma-not-real-name} (who is in Hughie's class) was a bit upset about something Hughie said... he actually told her that the Tooth fairy is not real and it's just mums and dads who give you money! I'm pretty upset about the whole thing. She has only lost one tooth before and now she has been cheated of the magic! Now i have to think of some ways to re-kindle the magic."

Pause for effect.
Not really sure how to react.
Aside from being extremely sorry for causing trouble.
So i apologise profusely.
And honestly, we have never talked about the Tooth Fairy at all with Hughie. He doesn't even have a wobbly tooth in sight, we've been checking. I guess plenty of kids in his class have experienced it, and I suppose they all talk about the Tooth Fairy. Personally i haven't even thought about it at all.... it's not the type of magic i have been dying to recreate for my kiddies.

So i have no idea how he knows the truth, and i guess now we'll have to take him aside and fill him in on the sensitivity side of it all before he kills anyone elses dreams! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

too christiany?

Someone reckons my posts are weird because they feel too religious.  Blogging has been helpful for me to organise thoughts and feelings, and well, it just so happens that most of everything in my life now relates to my God! sooo i'm not sure how i can work with that. i can probably talk less about god and more about just goodness. but god is goodness and goodness has a whole nother syllable.
another tip was, well, can i possibly be a bit more funny in my blogs please, to make them easier to read? haha! no. I can be funny, when i am with funny people. there are some certain people with particular senses of humour that spur me on. when i'm not with those people all my funny disappears, seems to! sooo on with the boring , religious blog entries hahaha!  well thankfully i am not endeavouring to expand my readers to infinity and beyond. i'm not doing this to gain money or popularity. I just need to organise my thoughts! its my diary.
maybe it'll help some people along the way or explain reasons for some things i do.
You know Paul Colman Trio's song.. the one that goes "Not good enough for you, not dirty enough for some?" - it's a bit like that. lots of religious people will think i'm far from religious. and lots of non-religious people will think i'm trying to be a goody two shoes.
I guess it reverts back to my last blog hey- in the end, only one thing matters,  what God thinks!  the freedom to be meeee. yaaaayeeeee

Defense mechanisms

I've been feeling really defensive lately.

It's time to hand it over to God.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me except my God. My father who created me in the secret place and knows every single thing about me, who has trailblazed the way before me... He is the way! He is the ultimate judge!

This is where the rubber hits the road!

To humble myself before someone who thinks I have wronged them.
Because they are made from the same clay as me. Because the Lord trailblazed the way for both of us! Because it is only by His grace that I stand here, and it is only by His grace that these roles aren't reversed.

Praise the Lord that he will enable me to sacrifice my pride in order to receive his love and for his loved ones to receive his love through me.

Made from the same clay (Validate me! Part 2) {edited wednesday 13th}

Well after a harrowing few days, my mind seems semi-organised and the boys are happily playing together so i think i will try and verse what's been happening for me!

It appears I have fronted a storm sent by the devil. He knew how to get to me, guard down, and it's been troubling me. I have been going through the motions of "taking my cares to the cross". The Lord finally answered my prayers today and has brought me a true peace about it. One where I know I'm not imploding feelings that i'll need to deal with later. It's all very fresh though so i will continue to rely heavily on the Lord for strength, wisdom, but most of all, LOVE.

So my last blog touched on most of what is going on, but not really!!... if that makes any sense!!  Obviously, i am very passionate about breastfeeding. I want to help mums in Australia breastfeed. I want breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding to become normal in our culture. I want to stop mums from making uninformed decisions about not breastfeeding.

I don't want to say that formula is okay......
...........if breastfeeding can work.
But if breastfeeding can't work, oh, Praise God that there is an alternative.

But what I've learned is that I really don't want to make anyone feel guilty.  I don't want to be the person that people think I judge them for not breastfeeding. I don't want people who already feel guilty, to project their guilt and insecurity onto me, tall-poppy-syndrome style.

Last week, in a public, local facebook forum, ---

{I am editing this post after my husband's comments to me about it.
It is supposed to be a blog about how exactly I am arriving at a point where I can forgive someone, and yet, by blogging about it i feel that I am still seeking validation from other people that "I am right" ....missing the heart of the matter entirely.
So this blurb is replacing a whole lot of story that nobody really needs to know the details of.
In a nutshell, I was deeply offended by a close friend, and it all had to do with the issues regarding breastfeeding which are close to my heart. I now know that the Enemy was at work here, finding a way in to my soul to steal away some Love. o! how wonderful that the battle has been WON.}

---This whole last week, I have been going through motions in my prayers: "Help me to forgive her. Help me to seek validation from you Lord. Thank you for being Huge over all this and that it will all work to your glory. Give me wisdom Lord. Lord, help me in this hardship. Help me to not be swayed by these problems..." etc.  But i was just feeling like it was motions.... I take my problems to the cross, I get forgiven, and therefore i can forgive..
Easier said than done!

Your heart has to really seek grace and mercy to receive revelation from the Lord. All week it has just felt like motions. going through the motions. There was no emotional peace for me. until this morning.

Except for bouncing thoughts and experiences off Wozza, and concocting random thoughts of prayer, I have been imploding my feelings of frustration and hurt. I have been witholding from sharing them with anyone as it really is not my place to return the judgement, and I know that within women's circles things can turn into bitchy, gossipy muck in the flash of an eye.

I have known all along that I do not need to seek validation from "Betsy"... I have been telling myself I have all i need in the Lord. But then really fighting the urge to go and get confirmation from "Maeve", our mutual friend, about what a bitch "Betsy" has been. Why? Well i thought that it was just for de-briefing, or working out ways to practically deal with it, or to see if she's okay in all of this! It was confronting to realise later that I was actually wanting to do this because I could gain validation from Maeve. Not Betsy as I was aware would not be right, but Not the Lord.

But i was talking to the Lord this morning in the car, and i found otherwise. "Ring Clemence" He speaks, but i wasn't 100% if it was just something i wanted to do. But my heart was speaking the same thing. Clemence... not her real name. my dear friend back "home" in South Australia.... an encyclopedia of biblical wisdom, representing my time of spiritual nurture in our home back in the hills of adelaide. She was removed enough from any of my situations that i felt i could speak to her, and i'm glad i did. I thank God she is there for me. I thank God that she was there for me today. And I thank God that he can use her to speak wisdom in my life.

I was gently reminded that I am made from the same clay as Betsy.

The burden of arrogance or self-righteousness has been lifted when i remember this. I am no better than her! And suddenly, that visual that I have been trying to access comes straight back to me: An ocean, endless to the horizon all the way around me, representing God's endless love for me. His mercies for me never cease, pouring Grace out on me that i could never deserve.

And I can now take my little teeny cup, and scoop up just a little bit of this unending love for me, and pour it on "Betsy".

Validate me!

I am so tired of hearing about debatable topics!

Especially because in my old age i am becoming so opinionated!!! and i have to conciously take myself through detaching myself from my opinions and thinking about what's more important!!

Never let the things that matter most, be at the mercy of the things that matter least.

In mother's circles all over the western culture there are mamas who are insecure, who feel like failures, or who are in denial, who want to be validated.

Can you conceive a baby.
Can you artificially conceive a baby.
Did you have an abortion.
Did you use selective reduction.
Was the pregnancy interfered with or intervened with invading tests and scans.
Did you birth naturally.
Where did you birth.
Did you allow your baby to be taken away.
Did you allow anyone to inject your baby with hep B or vitamin K.
Did you allow anyone to cut the umbilical cord too soon.
Did you eat your placenta.
Did you allow your baby to find your nipple himself.
Was your partner supportive or emotionally available.
Did you try to breastfeed.
Could you breastfeed.
Did you give up breastfeeding.
Why.
Did you room in with your baby.
Are you co-sleeping with your baby.
Are you sleep training your baby.
Is your baby sleeping on his back.
Are you using a dummy.
Are you wearing your baby.
Are you controlled crying.
Are you letting your baby cry it out.
Did you fall pregnant straight away.
Did you mean to.
Are you using disposable nappies.
Do you give your baby medicine.
When did you introduce solids.
Are you toilet training your baby.
Are you using baby sign language.
Do you send your baby to childcare.
Did you immunise.



Far out... these little debatable issues are all off the top of my head and that's only thinking of a parent with a baby up to the age of 6 months. Imagine the ones to come!

I pretty much have an opinion on each of these things too. Some of them are obviously way stronger opinions than others. Did you see that big controversial Time magazine cover last month? it was all over facebook and then all the parodies to follow.  "Are you Mom enough?".... an article regarding attachment parenting and breastfeeding into childhood.

For me, it highlighted the divide between mums and the way they do things and the way we judge others when they do it differently.

At Birth Circle last week we looked at VBAC. Vaginal Birth After Ceasarean. We heard stories of traumatic firstborn births followed by healing with a peaceful second, natural birth story. And then we heard mums sharing their determination to 'succeed' at their impending second birth which will hopefully be VBAC. I have a friend who has had three c-sections, and is seeking to have a VBA3C. For a healing rite of passage type journey.

The statistics in Australia on c-sections are unbelievably high... in my opinion (which is not necessarily very researched)  it is because of money, insurance, schedules, and fear of birth. From memory, the World Health Organisation believe that about 15% of births need a ceasarian, and the amount of births resulting in a section in Australia is up near the 40% mark. or something.

But the part that i see is when i am getting to know a fellow mum. Where did you have your baby?, I will ask, when we get on to the topic of our birth stories. And it is straight away that you can tell what she is going to say about her birth. Whether she owns her story and is proud of it or not. Whether she is denying or justifying something, and whether she knows if she is denying or justifying.  "Oh, I had my first down at King Eddie, and it was a really difficult labour.", she'll say, and i feel like saying, No sh*t it was a difficult labour?? Then she will go on to say "After 30 hours of labour, i had to have an emergency ceasarean because the baby's head was going to get stuck in my pelvis." And i supress another detrimental comment "Oh yeah, was that at about 5.30pm on a Friday afternoon?" Seriously what help am i?  So i nod and empathise with the parts that i can:  That inner fear of the pain. That inability to cope with the pain. The imminent danger on your body or your child. Making huge decisions amid the excrucriating contractions.

And I validate her for who she is.
And I redirect any negativity toward , well sometimes the medical staff, sometimes the western culture and attitude toward birth.
But some people wouldn't validate her and i know she would be incredibly sensitive toward that, whether she knew or not.

There is an underlying feeling there....  Because there are people who have had the experience of an unnecessary, intervened birth who have been healed, and they are going to be like this huge golden idol for those who have not been healed.

Feelings get suppressed, or denied. And what other ways are there to deal with the feelings apart from having another baby and giving it another go? I don't know.

I'm not sure that i am articulating what i want to say very well... it's looking more like i spewed up on the page!.... bear with me.

Another thing is breastfeeding.
BREAST IS BEST.
BREAST. IS. BEST!!!!!

And everyone knows this! don't they?

There are some who can't breastfeed, and some who don't. For whatever reason. The job of a breastfeeding counsellor is broad , but it is to support a mother in her feeding her baby.  It is certainly not to put down those who choose to give their babe artificial breastmilk. It's evangelising breastmilk.

There are mums out there who suffer guilt. Endless guilt because they couldn't breastfeed. Is their child healthy? Yes.
What is more important? To be able to breastfeed or for the mother to be emotionally stable?

I wasn't going to answer that question but i will... For the mother to be emotionally stable! of course!
But actually breastfeeding IS SO IMPORTANT!... and later , past the hard yards, breastfeeding will actually contribute to a mother's stability.

It is hard because i have this faith.
I have faith in an unseen God. who has stood the ages. who has reached in to my life and shown me his awesomeness. who has plucked me from the miry clay. who has worked everything in my past to his glory. who rolled up his sleeves so that I could know him.
A perfect God.

And i want those around me to know this God too, because there are so many lies and misconceptions about god floating around this world. and it's actually really really important.
Like more important than parenting in a particular way. Yer, i know. REALLY important.

The bible has shown me that i can impart words when I am being prompted by the Spirit ... I can gain all sorts of wisdom and knowledge but if i have not LOVE i may as well be a loud clanging cymbal in the background.

So with this urgency of our eternal wellbeing.... i rest knowing that God will use me as he pleases, and that he will reach into the lives of others clearly enough if i just love. And i don't need to impart words if i can love.

And how to love all these flailing mothers around me? Mothers who feel so guilty or insecure. Mothers who attack other mothers because of their insecurity. Mothers who exclude other mothers because of judging and condemnation. Mothers everywhere who are suffering postnatal depression.

I can't preach at them and bash them with the bible. God said love them.

I can't preach the ways that i think are right, the ways that i think will help them. God said love them.

But knowing where guilt comes from, and how to guard yourself from it is so important too. Not only in your personal relationship with God but also just for your own wellbeing as a mum, regardless of if you believe.

Sooooo I am gonna copy and paste now....   my comment on a friend's facebook thread....  and I am not sure how it will tie in but here goes.

Any Guilt that anyone feels is coming from their own insecurity.

I would say to your friend, to parent from her heart, which is obviously what she is doing. But
let judgement and criticism roll off your back, and spread your wings to protect your family. Do what you know is best for you and your family. And be true to your faith because
where your faith is your security is
and where you are secure you cannot be guilty.

Lord.... thank you that you have made me whole. Thank you that you are my security. Thank you that you are my hope! Thank you for the perspective that all this will come to pass.... and in the end, what matters is that you have made it possible that i can spend eternity with You. Thank you that I am valid to You.



Now... did ANY of that make sense???!